I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
Randomize
