Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
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