Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
