Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
Randomize