sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
