Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
Randomize
