I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize
