Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
You know, be my cock's hype man.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
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