I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
