Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Randomize
