You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
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