so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
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