My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
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