Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
Randomize
