Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
Randomize
