I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
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