Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
Randomize
