My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
