just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
