just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
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