Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
My underwear smells like fireworks.
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Randomize