Taylor Swift is so right about you.
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Randomize
