you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
