is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
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