Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
Randomize
