it's like iHOP with fire
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
Randomize