I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
