make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
Randomize
