Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
