i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
I need to stop coming to work sober
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
Randomize
