Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
