I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
