i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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