I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
Randomize
