Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
