Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
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