a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Randomize
