For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
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