there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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