If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
did i walk over a car last night?
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
