'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Randomize
