i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
that was a gay-test. you passed.
with flying rainbow colors i hope!
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
Randomize
