awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Randomize