Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
Randomize
