Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
Randomize
