You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Randomize
