so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
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