When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Randomize
