masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
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