Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
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