If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Randomize
