i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
