so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
My dick has a subreddit
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
Randomize
