Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
