I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
My life is pants optional.
Randomize
