I'm gonna have a badass scar
They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
