why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
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