i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
