I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Randomize
