I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
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