and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Randomize
