guys are not supposed to queef...right?
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
