Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
