hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
another moral hangover. fuck.
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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